Smokin'
by Brave New Writer
Summary: Just another afternoon at the guys' apartment. Inspired by the episode "TOW The Thumb".


A/N-This is my first Friends fic, so no flaming!

**************************

Three grocery bags hit the floor. There was a sound like broken glass as a jar of tomato sauce shattered.

Joey ignored it. Not bothering to shut the apartment door, he strode over to a closed door and jiggled the knob.

Locked.

He rapped on the door.

"Chandler," he yelled, "put out the damn cigarette!"

"Huh? Uh . . . cigarette? What cigarette?" Chandler's voice was slightly muffled by the door.

Joey rolled his eyes. "Look, Chandler, I may be dumb but I ain't stupid!" He paused. "Wait . . ."

"Joey, whatever gave you the impression that I was smoking?"

Joey snapped out of his confusion. "The fact that there's smoke coming under the door!"

If he had pressed his ear against the door, Joey would've heard, "Knew I should've put my towel there . . ." muttered.

"Uh . . . I'm just enjoying a nice candle. Can't a guy come home to a nicely scented candle after a hard day's work at the office?"

Confusion set in again. "Wait a minute . . . are you using 'candle' as a metaphor for something? Chandler . . ." Joey said playfully.

"N-yes, yes I was. I've got a beautiful little _candle _in here."

"Okay, who?"

"Um . . . just some girl I picked up at a bar."

Joey wasn't about to leave this alone. His "annoying pest" mode had officially been switched on. 

"C'mon, Chan the Man. Tell your big brother Joey . . ." he said in a babyish tone. 

Poor Joseph . . . his mind was so hooked on the prospect of his best buddy doing it with a babe, he had completely forgotten about the smoke.

Chandler knew this, and decided to string him along.

"Okay . . . sweetheart, if you could just hold on, and _boy_, do I mean hold on, for just a sec . . ." Joey heard this and mentally gave Chandler a thumbs up.

Several minutes later, the door swung open, and Joey hit the floor. He smiled up at Chandler, who was clad in nothing but a robe and a pair of socks. Chandler responded to his smile by giving Joey a mock glare and tapping his foot.

"So . . . peeking under the door, were we?"

Joey got up and dusted himself off. "First things first. Name?"

Chandler began massaging the bridge of his nose. "Uh . . . her name? Her name is Camela."

Joey grinned. "Whoa, sounds exotic. Second thing. Smile?"

At this, Chandler adopted an "Oh my freakin' God" expression on his face. "Her smile . . . wow, don't even get me started on those gorgeous lips . . . it's like kissing a ruby."

Joey was impressed. 

"Okay, one final thing . . . sex?"

"Girl."

Joey looked serious. "Chandler, you know what I meant. Well?"

Chandler hesitated, and Joey assumed he was being shy. Not the case. Chandler was simply searching for the right words to describe the non-existent sex he had just had.

Finally, he spoke.

"Smokin'."

Joey suddenly got a huge grin on his face, stared at Chandler for a split second, and then ran into Chandler's room. Chandler took off after him.

"Where is she? Camela?"

Joey knelt down and looked under the bed. "Is there a beautiful woman here, goes by the name Camela?"

While Joey was doing this, Chandler snuck over to his window and quietly opened it. He plastered a stunned look on his face.

"Why, the window is open!" he exclaimed.

It was at this moment that Chandler wished he had his camera available. The look on Joey's face was indescribable, a mixture of fear and disbelief.

Chandler watched, attempting to hide the smile beginning to play on his lips, as Joey stuck his head out the window, scanned the street desperately, and then climbed out the window, shimmied down a drainpipe, and took off down the street.

Grinning, Chandler slowly closed the window, shut the apartment door, and then locked his own door again. 

Sitting down on his bed, he changed back into his regular clothes, and reached behind his pillow. He clutched a pack of Camel cigarettes in his hand.

"Oh, Camela," he whispered. "It'll always be just me and you . . ."

With a dreamy look in his eyes, Chandler opened up the pack, slid a cigarette out, and with a tender grace, lovingly lit up.

The End

**************************

A/N-Okay, in my own personal opinion, this isn't too funny. But hey, humor is in the eye of the beholder, right?

I can just imagine some of you thinking, "Why did she come up with the name 'Camela'?" Well, you get it now.

. . . Don't you?

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
